Confessions of a Screentime Strategist
Here’s an excerpt from the last chapter of my book (How to Stop Scrolling, coming out this fall):
Remember that your relationship with your phone will most likely be a lifelong one. Just as you have peaks and valleys in your relationships with your significant other, friends, and family members, you will have peaks and valleys in your relationship with your phone. … You may notice an uptick in your tendency to scroll mindlessly when going through busier seasons of life, or you may suddenly finding yourself comparing yourself to others on social media after making a life decision that you’re still wrapping your mind around.
I need to take a page out of my own book, literally.
These past few weeks have been busy. We are in the process of moving our circus of two kids and three cats to a new state. My daughter had her last gymnastics class “forever” on Monday. There were tears. She has her last art class “forever” tomorrow. She knows that after Friday, she won’t be attending this school anymore. My two year old needs to be carried constantly. Something my older child did not need at this age and which has taken me by surprise. On top of trying to support my kids emotionally, I’m silently saying goodbye to the life I’ve known the past few years, am trying to get the lay of the land in our new town, and am feeling like the new kid on the block myself. I’ve noticed that people dress a bit differently in our new area, and I’ve already felt confused about getting dressed considering my constantly changing body (you’d think the third pregnancy is the charm, but fashion is a skill I have never mastered). Every tiny thing feels like a big thing in the new house. What used to be as simple as CTRL+P is now, where the heck did I pack the printer cable?
I’d go on, but I’m trying to get people to read my blog, not abandon it.
This context is just to set you up for the big surprise: I’ve been on my phone a lot more recently. (I’ve also been eating more fries and more chocolate.)
Despite telling my clients that phone use in the bedroom is a no no, I’ve been scrolling in bed sometimes while my husband works late into the night in the bedroom at his temporary set up. I’ve been absent mindedly checking my email instead of being more present with my kids. I’m certainly not proud of my phone use over the past few weeks.
Why am I telling you this? Because context is important. Our environment (husband working until 1am on the phone, getting a million calls a day about my new internet provider), mental state (the move, the pregnancy), and physical state (the pregnancy, the sleep deprivation), all play important roles in our behavior, and sometimes when our behavior takes a turn for the worse, it’s not our fault.
Am I going to try to change my behavior? Honestly, (this is a confessional after all), I’m not sure. It feels hard to create systems when the ground seems to shift with every step I take. I’m aware of how my behavior is bothering me, and so I’ll try to make slight tweaks, but my biggest goal over the next couple of weeks is to try not to beat myself up over this slippage, and wait for the dust to settle.
